Old Joe

Bill has been working his ass off lately and becoming very stressed out. Finally Bill couldn’t take it anymore so he called his psychiatrist and said he was stressed out and fixing to jump out the window to end it all.

The doctor calmed him down and said "Look Bill you take a break, go to my cabin in Alaska I'll make reservations on a flight to Alaska right now."

So Bill took the plane to Alaska.

He was in the town to get supplies when he saw a bar. Bill went in looked around the bar and hollered "Wheres all the women at"?
The bartender said "What women there ain’t no women around here"!

"Gimme a beer" said Bill.

Sitting at the bar he asked "What do y’all do when you want some"?

The Bartender replied, "Oh we just go see ole Joe about that".

Bill said "I can’t do that"!

Dissapointed, Bill finished his beer, got his supplies and went up to the cabin . There he fished and hunted and sang to himself and the weeks went by.

Running out of supplies he went back down to the town and stopped in at the bar where he hollered "Wheres all the women at"?

The Bartender replied "I told you already there ain’t no women around here, we go and see ole Joe"!

Bill ordered a beer and nursed it for a bit then he looked up to the bartender and asked

"Supposing I was,well..., you know.... but I’m not like that! Who all would have to know"?

The bartender thought for a minute and said;
" Five. There's you and me of course. Then there's the two other guys that have to hold ole Joe down because ole Joe ain’t like that either!

From the Jokes Forum at ournet.tv bulletin board

Bring oor Pluto planet back!

Whit a stramash it was! Those bastards at the International Astronomical Union (IAU) after arguing among themselves have robbed us of one of our planets. We had nine and now we got eight. it sbloody daylight robbery, well night time robbery - you know what I mean. Before you could look up at the starry night and there was Pluto. Of course I couldn't have told you where exactly but it was there. I'd learnt it.
Now the IAU are calling it a dwarf planet. Whatever happened to political correctness? They should have called it a curcumferentially challenged planet really. Or voluminously disabled perhaps. Dwarf sounds kind of brutal as though were making fun of it. Poor Pluto. The Scottish night sky will never be the same.
And now comes the news that Plutonian representatives here on Earth are set to sue the IAU - yes I kid you not. Read it here


Technorati tag [Pluto]

Software problems?

Technical support; please help!
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2004. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself. Help requested please?

re: Dear Technical Support - I also have Wife 1.0 but you should be aware that FreeSexPlus is limited to a 30-day trial and after that you have to buy RedLight 2.0 which is very expensive. Also it's almost impossible to get hold of RL2 as Wife 1.0 hogs all the bandwidth. Cleanhouse 2004 is shareware and the only way to keep it going is to do your share or you get inundated with nag-screens.

re: Dear Technical Support - What you need to do, obviously, is obtain a couple of key software packages, that can help alleviate your problem.

The first is DogWalk 3.2, which can be used to re-activate LadsNight Out, Although you need to be running MobilePhoneBatteryFailure 1.4, in order for this to work properly. The second is GardenShedTools 5, which will enable the continued use of Playboy 6.9 and even Razzle 8, although trying to use ReadersWivesSpecial 4.3 could lead to your hardware being infected by the AmINotEnoughForYou worm.

Last, but not least, is BeautySallonVoucher 7, which, if run regularly, can clear up a whole host of other issues, such as TurboStop and Whinge, and can lead to enhanced FreeSexPlus and FavouriteDinner 2.3. With regular updates, you may even find that Football 4.5 works, although overuse is not recommended. BeautySallonVoucher 7 is expensive, however, but well worth the investment. Especially as most people tell me that SayingILoveYouRegularly 10.6 is now so unreliable as to be downright dangerous.

Hope all this helps, and that your hardware and software can remain trouble-free; although as we all know, when Wife 1.0 is involved, nothing is guaranteed.