The Kilt

Those of you who have read the previous posting about the Scottish Midgie will understand when I say that the Kilt is a clear sign of Scottish manliness and fearlessness in the face of terrors that would make other men quake.

What other race of men, inhabiting a lonely moorland terrain infested with bloodsucking beasties would decide to adopt a dress (sorry the Kilt) as their national dress. And not only that but decide that if worn correctly it should be worn without underwear!

This is the secret initiation rite of Scottish manhood. It is a little known fact that not all Scottish men are entitled to wear the Kilt. In the Autumn of the year that a boy reaches 15 or so he is inspected - down there - by the Clan Chief's wife and she either pronounces "och he's jist a wee boy yet!" or declares his entry into the rite of manhood with a shout of "Jees will ye look at they yins!"

The young man is then stripped of his trousers and underwear and fitted with a Kilt. He is then taken with great ceremony to the nearest boggy bit of ground to test if he is "fit fer the Midgie".

The young man is expected to remain in the bog with his legs wide apart and holding a large stone above his head for not less than two hours while clouds of midges track him down by the odour of fear which he is usually giving of.

At the end of the two hours the Scotsman then has three large stones only one of which he has been carrying above his head. To ease his pain his pals them take him to the boozer and get him completely "oot o his face".
Needless to say few modern men survive this ordeal which is why now in Scotland we see only the occasional man wearing a Kilt.