Police act on Scottish rural prostitution

As part of the Scottish Government initiative against prostitution Scottish police forces have launched a massive blitz against rural sheep prostitution.

Inspector Taggart of Girvan Valley Police explained that the initiative had been launched with high profile raids on shops selling wellington boots under the counter and that they were now moving street sheep prostitutes away from their usual haunts.

In the accompanying picture Inspector Taggart can be seen rounding up street prostitutes in the red light area of Glenbogle and moving them away from the bus stops where they ply their trade.

According to Inspector Taggart, "Many of these street sheep prostitutes have been forced into this activity against their will. Most of them would be much happier just wandering around in the fields. But they are forced into this work by farmers who make them hang around bus stops offering naughty services to men."

First Priminster Lex Salmond ( Scottish Nits party) who was recently photographed hanging around a bus stop after the buses had stopped running for the evening has told newspaper reporters that he was simply "waiting for a taxi". He insists that he fully supports the campaign to stop Scottish rural street sheep prostitution.

Mr Salmond also claims that the Sheep prostitution problem is the result of the union of the Scottish and English parliament which led to the loss of Scottish Independence. He claims that "In an Independent Scotland Scottish men would not need to resort to such sordid practices. I have nothing against England or the English but this is their fault."

Mr Sherridan of the Scottish Republican Soviet Socialist Stalinist Party of Scotland (Provisional) has in the past claimed that the problem of sheep prostitution is "part of the proletarian struggle against the oppressive capitalist/syndicalist/imperialist war conglomerate and will be resolved by the dictatorship of the proletariat led by the revolutionary vanguard." He has not been available for further comment however as he is currently appearing in a reality TV show and is awaiting the outcome of a police perjury investigation.